I've Never Been on a Plane.

It's natural to love Tom Hanks.

I've never been on a plane.

I know what planes do, what they look like, and why we need them. I learn a lot from movies, and this is what Hollywood has taught me about planes.

A) If you are fancy, you ride first class.

B) Red Eye taught me that if the person sitting next to you on the plane tells you he has been stalking you and is holding your father hostage, it is best to stab him in the neck with a pen upon arrival at airport.

C) If you are traveling with your best friend who is hotter than you, you will inevitably end up sitting squished between two old ladies who talk loudly and smell like...well...old lady, while your friend will probably sit beside a very cute older guy and will probably get his number at the end of the flight.

C) Samuel L. Jackson taught me that snakes on a plane is bad news. He also taught me that movies can be truly awful. Thanks Samuel.

D) The most ideal place and time to tell your ex-lover you actually do love them and wish them to stay with you forever is in the airport terminal, seconds before your soul mate boards the plane.
*Bonus points if you run full speed through said terminal, or if the other people in line clap and cheer after your heart-felt speech.

E) The Terminal taught me that a Eastern European man can get stuck in an american airport terminal because after he left his country, war broke out, suddenly making him a man without a country. This movie made me see that airports are truly magical places, because he fell in love with an attractive flight attendant and eventually was allowed in America.

This movie also taught me that Tom Hanks is great, but who doesn't already know that?