Frankly Scarlet....

It's natural to need to explain things.

First of all, for those of you who bother to read this thing (maybe your cable is out or facebook is boring today) I apologize for my long leave of absence. I have been busy doing things like buying last minute gifts, attending christmas parties (some awkward, some entertaining) and yelling at my oh so slow computer to cooperate but apparently that has not affected it what-so-ever. So even though this is late, I hope you all had, as the British say, a happy christmas!

My christmas, as always, was interesting.

Christmas suprised me this year, like everything else has. Senior year has proved to be on some sort of illicit drug that causes everything to go 10 times faster than should be legally allowed, and these days I find myself often saying things like "It's december?" or "The first semesters over?" or "Tommorow's christmas!?"

I think I'm getting old. Or just losing all track of time.

A week before christmas, I was talking about Santa when Jabez informed me that he wasn't real.

If he's not real, where do all your presents come from? I asked him.

Natalie, he said like a frustrated father trying to explain where babies come from, I've know Santa's not real for a long time. I told a five year old on the bus he wasn't real! He started crying.

Apparently my brother has no soul.

Christmas morning, Jabez woke all of us up at 7 (which was an improvement from lasts year's 5:30, which to me was just more evidence that he has no soul).

My parents always make us stay up at the top of the stairs before we can come downstairs to check out the loot, and Jabez jumps up and down like he going to pee himself the whole time.

My big gift this year was a Flip Video, which I have fallen in love with, and as soon as I figure out how to post videos on this thing, I will definately be doing so.

My grandmother has been in ICU at the hospital for about three weeks now, so the Moseley Christmas this year took place in the waiting room at lexington hospital. My extremely loud (and slightly redneck) family took over the whole room, and the one other dude sitting in there as we paraded in looked like bambi probably looked before they shot his mom. Needless to say we scared him away, and we all exchanged gifts and opened presents like that was a completely normal thing to do in a hospital waiting room. She appreciated us all being there.

I'll just give you the sparknotes version of some of my favorite moments from this Christmas:

My aunt gave my grandma new knives, because hers needed replacing.

What are you gonna use those knives for Grandma?

To stab someone.

Apparently that's where I get my sarcasm from.....or at least I hope so.


For whatever reason we were discussing Gone with the Wind, and my dad couldn't remember the famous line from the movie.

Frankly Scarlet, I don't give a darn I said, censoring it for mixed company.

It's don't give a DAMN Natalie! said my 74 year old grandmother.

I love my grandmother. Also, she gave me a hotwheels for christmas.

The older I get, the more I realize how important moments like these are. As much as I may want to get away from the loudness and go read my new book or watch my new DVD, I can't imagine christmas without all this craziness.

Are you ready for 2010?

The Trenchies

Its natural to feel creeped out when you see a large group of people all wearing black trench coats.

I refer to this crowd as "the trenchies."

What is the purpose of a trench coat?

Unless it is raining, you are an active member of the mafia, you are a superhero that needs to quick change at every slight incantation of danger, or you are planning on flashing a crowd at a girls soccer game, I advise you leave them at home.

I mean, think of all the things a person could hide in those things.

These may include, but are not limited to:
A bomb
A large caliber machine gun
Several ninja stars of various sizes
A vile of H1N1
A small animal
A baby
A sandwich
A baby sandwich
A couple of water ballons filled with cottage cheese perfect for throwing at cars in traffic
Or worst, absolutely nothing.The list goes on, use your imagination.

Actually, thinking of things one can hide in a trench coat is entertaining. You should try it next time you find yourself in a long line or in a physics class.

Apparently trenchies enjoy the fine dining of Rush's. Maybe it's the milkshakes. For whatever reason, I have found thats where they like to hang out late at night.

I was recently eating there with some friends after we saw New Moon. Yes, I did see New Moon. Judge me if you will, but odds are you probably saw it too. Or are thinking very seriously about secretly renting it when it comes out. Or maybe I'm just trying to feel better about myself for seeing it twice.

Anyway, I was eating my bacon cheese burger when I spotted trenchie number one. Black trench, greased back hair, slightly bent forward, hands in pocket.

Stereotypical trenchie.

Trenchie number 1 was followed closely by trenchie 2, 3, and 4.

Trenchie 5 and 6 came in about ten minutes later.

As the trenchies paraded in, me and my friends scooted closer together. My heart beat a little faster. I think we were all suprised that trenchies would go to a place where a happy fat chief holding a burger welcomes you to eat.

I watched them all order, how they acted with the cashiers, and with each other. They acted strangely....normal. They left Rush's at the same time we did, so of course we walked pretty fast to the car and locked the doors laughing and breathing signs of relief that whatever was inside their trench coats hadn't been exposed to us. We watched them as they walked across the parking lot towards books-a-million.
Which happened to be closed, so I'm unsure of their motives in that perspective.

But as I look back on this, I realize that we were the ones creeping on them, not the other way around. We had creeped on the creepers. Oh the irony!

Maybe the trenchies are just misunderstood.

The world may never know.